"I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all."

"CandyIs dandyBut liquorIs quicker."

"The turtle lives 'twixt plated decksWhich practically conceal its sex.I think it clever of the turtleIn such a fix to be so fertile."

"Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else."

"Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for."

"People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it."

"When I get smitten, I stay smut."

"Never find your delight in another's misfortune."

"This became a credo of mine...attempt the impossible in order to improve your work."

"A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read."

"'If you were my husband, i would feed you poison.' 'If you were my wife, madam, i would take it!"

"The greatest tragedy in mankind's entire history may be the hijacking of morality by religion."