"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

"My girlfriend sleeps in a queen-sized bed and I sleep in a court jester-sized bed."

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."

"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."

"I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it."

"He who is sorrowful can force himself to smile, but he who is glad cannot weep."

"You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them."

"Sleep... Oh! how I loathe those little slices of death...."

"We have got to have a dream if we are going to make a dream come true."

"The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything."

"And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep."